Second Star To The Right Tattoo

Well, first of all, there's two years until I can get a tattoo. My mom has said that I'm not allowed to ever get a tattoo according to her.

But it's not like she's going to control my life forever.

If you've read my blog, you would know that I've always wanted a tattoo. When I was little, I would draw tattoo's with sharpies on my barbies and spent all of middle school wearing temp. tattoos.

I made a post maybe, four months ago, with a list of tattoo's I wanted one day. And well, thank god, I never got them because they all had no meaning at all, and I hate now.

Lately, I've been obsessed with Peter Pan. I want to read the original "Peter and Wendy" soon. Oddly enough, I have seen that movie twice, once the play, once the disney verison, which I'll explain in a moment.

I want the quote "Second Star To The Right" tattooed.

Until tattoo's I've wanted in the past, I actually have a long meaningful reason for it.

Let's see how do I explain this.

Basically, in 1st grade I had a best friend. I know exactly how we meet to; she asked me to go down the two people slide with her, I agreed, and we became best friends for years, until fifth grade I think.

In eight grade, we were the opposite of friend. I was an "emo-vampire" (as people at school had put it) and she's the top of the class, straight A, perfect student, very religious. So, basically, we kind of hated each other.

And, the tattoo actually has nothing to do with her ok, just keep reading.

Anyway, we became friends again this year, we have some mutual friends. It was brought up that my first sleepover was at her 7th birthday party which was tinker belle themed.

And I remembered so clearly whining because her mom wouldn't let us watch the PG live action play version, because she didn't have our parents permission or something.

That got me thinking about stuff.

I grew up really, really close with three of my cousins, they're 3, 3 1/2, and 4 years older than me. So, the three of them were really close of age, and I guess I wasn't that far apart.

Me, and the cousins that were brother and sister (3 and 4 years older than me) all lived with out grandparents, and the other cousin literally came over every single day.   

We were all really close. Like brother and sister.

I moved when I was, 8, just around the corner, but it was still the first time I had been without my cousins. I seriously went over to their house every day that summer.

We all grew apart. Different paths, ideas and friends.

So, for like five years, we barley saw each other, even though we all lived a walking distance from each other.

This year was kind of weird for my family.

This year, I got close to my cousins again.

Also this year, my aunt died. I dunno, death is weird, but she was the first person is out family to die and I dunno. 

So, I went to my cousins house, for the first time in four years, even though I spent a big majority of my childhood there, I have only two memories from there. Okay, more when I really think of it, but two that really stand out.

One was almost drowning in the pool in the backyard. But that's not really a good memory, since I didn't get in a pool again until I was like seven and to this day I can't swim.

The other was watching Peter Pan.

And well now, when we are all finally close again, they are all leaving. All three. College, university, or whatever.

Its so weird. The cousin I've always been closest to left for sacrament just yesterday, making her the first of our family to go to university.

Seriously, I am so close to her, its crazy.

So, they're all grown up, have their own places, relationships, and I'm still kind of here?

And I'm fifteen, but I don't do relationships, or wear make up and I'm just really an awkward twelve year old really in  a sixteen year olds body. 

And I regret tons of thinds like skipping holidays to be with my friends and never calling them to catch up and stuff.

Weirdest thing is I remember being like ten, being forced to go to my cousins fourteen birthday party and her and her friends were talking about wanting to stay that age forever and never wanting to grow up.

Except they already grew up and now I'm the one that's refusing to grow up, because growing up is the scariest thing I can think of. Really. 

But there's some mornings I find myself wishing I was eighteen so I could do whatever the hell I want and those thoughts scare me too. And so does the fact that everyone is leaving me and all my friends are growing up too, while I;m exactly the same as i've always been.

So, yeah. Thats basically it. 

Geez, this didn't end up being and tattoo's and peter pan much..